Death is a Joke
by Aileen's feather
Summary: After a trip to Central Park goes wrong, Alice's world is turned upside down. Once brought to Camp Half-blood, she understands what the word "Danger" actually means. The greatest hero of their generation goes missing, three weird demigods appear out of nowhere and one hateful god gives her a perilous mission to fulfill with a mischievous son of Hermes. Who said Camp was easy?
1. Chapter 1: Maybe

Author's note: Hello everyone! This is my first fanfiction, so I hope you'll like it. This chapter is just some kind of preview. The next one will be up soon! ****

**Chapter 1: Maybe**

Even before her head started bleeding, Alice was having a really bad day.

She was lazily walking in Central Park, trying to understand her biology assignment. It had something to do with flowers, but that was all she knew. Her teacher, Mrs. Cabrera, had given her the instruction to find a flower with a weird name, but she already had forgotten it. She felt rather stupid, since it was written on her assignment. The thing was the words were written so small she wasn't able to read it with her dyslexia. She _really_ hated her teacher for that. So the only thing she could do was visit the park and look at her sheet of paper like it was written in Chinese.

After what seemed like hours of vain walking, she sat down on an old bench. She took her silver I-pod out of her hand bag, and played one of her favorite songs. Out of boredom, she watched the people rushing by, noticing small details no one cared about. When the song ended, she looked at the screen, wanting to change the music.

Big mistake. When she snapped her head back up, some gigantic monster was running towards her.

Even though she was totally panicked, she found the composure to move out of that _thing_'s way. She literally jumped on the side, her head hitting a tree in the process. She felt hot liquid flow down her cheek to her mouth, tasting the metallic taste of blood, making her wince. She tried to stand up, but she didn't seem to see straight. Everything was blurred. She could see a ginormous figure coming closer to her, and then it was gone. When it came back in sight, she noticed another figure, way smaller, next to it. Her heart pounded in her rib cage, making it difficult for her to even think. Each time she tried to back away, the throbbing in her head got worse. Thus she did what any other sane human being would have done in her place; she let the darkness take over.

When she woke, all the pain had faded away. Well, all the pain except the one caused by that tree. She sat up sharply, her vision fully recovered, but still feeling a little dizzy. She brought her right hand to her head, wincing as it touched her fresh wound. She looked at her palm, which was now covered in blood. Had she bled that much? Why had she even pounced on that tree in the first place?

All of a sudden, she remembered. She remembered everything.

In one swift move, Alice stood on her feet, on the lookout for that _thing._ It wasn't really in her priorities to get squashed by a huge one-eyed monster. Her breathing was uncontrollable, making her look scared to death. Which, by the way, she was.

But there wasn't anything. The monster, it was gone.

She inspected the surroundings one more time, just to be sure, and cried out.

There was a boy lying on the ground, and he didn't look like he was taking a nap in the middle of Central Park. He looked injured, _really _injured. She quickly ran towards him and she felt her heart skip a beat when she saw that his right leg was twisted in a funny angle. He was covered in blood. His blond hair, his injured face, his clothes, everything was covered in blood. She thanked god she wasn't one of those people who passed out at the sight of it. She carefully examined his body, hoping he wasn't deathly hurt.

She wanted to ask him if he was okay, but it was a _really_ stupid question to ask. Of course the boy wasn't okay. Alice's eyes fell on his face, and she gasped.

His own eyes were wide open. They were gazing at something up in the sky, like nothing was wrong. At first, she thought he was dead, but she could hear him breathe. He was weak, but still alive. He blinked several times, like he was trying to make her understand something. Suddenly, she snapped her head up, hoping the monster couldn't fly.

There was nothing. Nothing except the sun.

She stared a few seconds at it, but it burned her eyes so much she had to look away. She looked at the boy again, and let out an involuntary cry. His eyes were closed, and a small tear was escaping his closed eye-lids. She put her shaking fingers on his neck, trying to find a pulse.

There was nothing. His heart had stopped beating. He was dead. Alice sat back, sobbing silently, her head buried between her knees. The boy was dead, and there was nothing she could do.

Suddenly, she remembered what her father had told her in case of an emergency. How could she have forgotten that? She started screaming hysterically, trying to catch someone's attention. No one was answering her calls. She looked around. No one was in sight. Not even a business woman in high heels. No one. She panicked.

"Wh-why is th-this happen-happening to me?" She sobbed, immediately feeling guilty.

She looked at the blond boy again, attempting to calm her sobs. He was dead. She wasn't. If she had reacted faster, maybe he could've lived. It was her fault, and she was complaining. She hated herself for that. She already could foresee what her father would tell her: "Never lose hope…"

She had a choice to make. Letting herself black out again, or don't lose hope and do whatever it takes to help the guy.

That was the easiest choice she ever made in her sixteen-year old life.

Maybe the boy wasn't dead after all; maybe she was just too stupid to find his pulse. She ran towards the bench she had been sitting on, just to see that it had been destroyed. Her hand-bag was gone. Her phone was gone. His chances to survive were gone. Her sanity, too.

She collapsed, hitting her head for the second time. If Alice had been faster, maybe she would've been able to save the boy's life. If she had been stronger, maybe she wouldn't have fallen to the ground and hit her head so hard she passed out. So maybe she would have seen a group of young kids, holding bows and arrows, kneeling next to the boy's body.

And maybe, only maybe, she would've seen a beautiful rainbow appear, and hear the boy's name.

"Austin's dead."

Alice woke up a few days later in a hospital. Her father was sleeping on a chair next to her bed. She slowly sat up, trying not to wake him. How long had she been here? Hours? Days? Weeks? She didn't know. She looked around the room, hoping to find the blond boy smiling. Naturally, he wasn't there. Had he even been real? Did the monster really attack her? Did it even exist?

She didn't know. And Alice Halliwell hated not knowing.

"Alice…?" Asked her dad sleepily.

She turned to him, smiling a little.

"Hi dad." She answered. He immediately hugged her.

"Dad…dad! Need to breath!" She gasped, pushing him gently away. "How long have I been out?"

His expression darkened. "Two months."

"What?! So long?!" She shouted, taken aback. He nodded sadly.

"But it doesn't matter now, does it? You're safe and sound, and here with me." He said, hugging her again. She kind of hoped he wasn't going to start crying. She hated it when he cried. She never knew what to do. Thankfully, he didn't.

"Alice." He said seriously. "Can you tell me what happened?" He asked, hopeful.

She didn't really know what to say. In fact, she was afraid to tell him. She was pretty sure it had been real, but what if it hadn't? She sighed. She needed to change the subject.

"How's mom doing?" She asked, smiling brightly at him.

"She's fine and oh! I need to tell her you're awake and…" He mumbled excitedly. "But first things first, what happened?"

"Er…Well, huh…"

She opened her mouth to tell him the whole story, but stopped immediately when she noticed someone entering the room. It was a lawyer. Well, he looked the part, so she guessed he was.

"Mister Halliwell?" The man in a suit asked.

My father nodded, standing up to meet him.

"I'm here for your daughter." He said, gesturing at me.

Her heart sank. Who was this guy? Why would she need a lawyer anyway? Did she do something wrong? Was it about the boy?

"What? No! You are not taking her away! Not now! She's not ready!" Her dad argued, standing his ground.

"Ready for what?" Alice broke in, sick of being left out the conversation.

"Nothing at all, darling, you don't need to worry. He won't take you away." Her father said reassuringly.

"You don't have a choice, honey." The lawyer said, before hitting her father's head, making him pass out.

Alice cried out, not knowing what to do.

He walked to Alice's bed, holding out his hand.

"Come with me, honey." He ordered in a not so friendly voice.

She shook her head hysterically, and she could've sworn it was going to fall off her body.

"What do you want with me?!" She shrieked, trying to catch the attention of the nurses outside the room.

"Taking you to Camp." He answered simply.

Her face fell. Whaaat?

"What the holly hell are you talking about?! What camp? What did you do to my-"

The lawyer hit her head, making her fall on the ground with a sickening thud. He picked her by the foot, and jumped out the window muttering:

"Half-bloods…"

So tell me! How was it?


	2. Chapter 2: Half-Blood

Author's note: Hello everyone! I'm really sorry I didn't update sooner, but I had a huge problem with my computer so… Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter too!

**Chapter 2: Half-Blood**

The first time she woke up, she had been flying across the ocean, feeling like a little bird. Small, light and free. Then she thought about it for a second, and remembered that humans usually didn't fly. She looked up, and immediately regretted it. Some horrible flying monster was holding her by her ankle. How had she even ended up there? She tried to remember, but her brain wasn't really functional at the moment.

Not really the best experience ever.

The second time hadn't been so pleasant, since she woke again in the air, but this time falling like a rock. The flying monster had only caught her a few feet away whatever she was going to crash against. Not necessarily a good experience either.

The third and last time had been the calmest of all. She was still hanging in the air, but somehow she got used to it. Her ankle ached a little, but nothing unbearable. She had tried to talk to the beast, but each time Alice opened her mouth, the creature hissed. So she decided against it. To pass time, she inspected her surroundings. Nothing much, really; only the bright blue ocean. It's not that she didn't like it, let's just say she liked being far from the water. _Very far. _Her head was throbbing, and she guessed it was because she was upside down.

After what seemed like hours to her, she finally dared to ask the question that had kept bugging her during the whole _"trip"._

"Are you going to eat me?" Alice said, fear clear in her voice. The beast didn't respond. It didn't even growl or anything.

"I won't even be tasty. I'm too skinny, you know?" She pressed, trying to get an answer.

Still nothing.

"Can you even talk?" Alice shouted, definitely getting its attention this time.

"Can you not shut your mouth?!" It hissed through gritted teeth. "Stupid half-blood!"

Somehow, nothing was better.

Half-blood? What the hell was that supposed to mean? So many question where turning around in her brain, but one was still her priority.

"So, are you going to eat me or not?" She said, stepping on really dangerous ground. "Well, it's not that I don't like _hanging _out with you, but you're not really the type of, uh, how should I pu–"

"Camp. There. Drop." It growled, cutting her in the middle of her sentence.

She confusedly looked around, obviously trying to find that camp the monster was talking about. Indeed, there was a camp. But there was also a bunch of people aiming at them with something that looked like arrows. Not good. _Not good at all._ And wait, what? Drop?

"Did you say dro–" Alice never had the chance to finish her sentence.

It started has a question, and ended up as a scream. She was falling again, and this time the monster wasn't going to catch her.

She woke to people's voices, talking about her like she wasn't there. The conversation had been going for an hour or so, but she hadn't dared to open her eyes. It seemed like a horribly bad idea at that moment. No one could blame her, the past two months had been pretty exhausting for her, even though she had been sleeping most of the time. She had caught a few words, now and then, but they made no sense to her.

"She's okay. It's nothing ambrosia can't fix."

Ambrosia? What was that? She was utterly confused.

"A fury dropped her near the Apollo cabin."

Fury? Apollo? Even more confused.

"She must be a half-blood…"

Half-blood! She knew that word, even though she didn't know what it meant. It obviously had something to do with blood, but the only thing it made her think about was Harry Potter and the half-blood prince. Was this some kind of sick Harry Potter reconstitution? She hoped not.

"I know that you're awake, child."

Child. That had to be her. At least she understood that word and– Wait. Was he talking to her? She started to get nervous, still not daring to open her eyes. What if they were going to torture her to get information on the accident in Central Park? What if they were going to kill her, or even eat her alive?

"Don't be afraid, we won't eat you." The voice said in a clear but reassuring voice.

At least, he was clear. Not like that flying monster back then. She shyly opened her eyelids, hoping to find a nerdy man in a white coat who would tell her how crazy she was. Because Woaw, this was really crazy. Perhaps she would even wake up just to find out that she was dreaming. That none of it was real.

None of it.

No such luck.

Well, this wasn't as weird as the other things, really. The man, or huh, horse in front of her looked at least a little human. He had intense brown eyes that clearly showed wisdom, even though he didn't look that old. If she disregarded the horse part, he would look like a middle-aged man who would probably be a teacher. He didn't really look aggressive, or ready to kill her. She had a feeling she could trust him, but it might be a trick. You're never too carefull.

"Centaur." Someone said suddenly, taking me aback.

I had been too busy staring at him to notice that another person had entered the room. It was a teen age girl with curly red hair and a freckled face. She looked really pretty, in some weird artistic way. She was wearing a green blouse and tattered jeans covered with marker doodles. She looked like, what, seventeen? She at least looked normal.

When I looked back at the man/horse guy, I noticed that he was waiting for me to talk.

"Huh, I'm sorry, what?" Alice said, not sure what to say.

The girl laughed.

"Yeah, I know he looks kinda strange, but, no worries, you'll get used to it." She explained, smiling brightly at her.

Somehow, Alice had felt the need to smile back at her. The girl carried so much enthusiasm it was hard not to. She nodded once happily, extending her hand towards me.

"I'm Rachel by the way."

She immediately shook it.

"Alice."

Rachel cocked her head to the side, studying her. Alice felt her cheeks warm up. She didn't really like being the center of attention. She wasn't exactly shy, or ugly, or anything. Let's just say she wasn't used to it.

"Let me guess, fourteen?" Rachel asked, backing away a little.

"Fifteen, actually." Alice stated.

Rachel nodded understandably. She turned to the horseman.

"See Chiron! It really isn't hard to get people to answer you." She said, gesturing at Alice while talking.

The Chiron guy chuckled slightly.

"Don't you have any Oracle business to do?" It asked, his smile fading a little.

Even though he made himself clear that he didn't want her here, she just shrugged.

"I just came to say hello, since Annabeth isn't even here." She pouted, crossing her arms on her chest.

"She left a few minutes ago." He told her.

She nodded. Alice noticed that she was nervously toying with a blue plastic hairbrush.

"Yeah, Katie Gardener told me that she had this weird dream that told her that she would find Percy." Her voice broke a little at the end.

Chilion, or Carrion, or whatever looked sadly at Alice, then back at Rachel.

"Rachel, you should really get going, we don't want to confuse her even more." He ordered.

She nodded, walking swiftly to the door.

"See ya, Alice!" She shouted over her shoulder before exiting the room.

Suddenly, the room was really quiet. Alice dared a glance to the horseman. He was studying her. Not creepy at all.

"My name is Chiron, and like Rachel said earlier, I am a centaur." He explained.

Alice nodded like she understood, even though it wasn't true. At all.

"Do you know where you are, child?" He asked, hopeful.

I shook my head.

He sighed.

"You're in Camp Half-blood."

Alice frowned deeply at this. She was sick of hearing this word and not knowing what it meant.

"What does it mean?!" She shouted.

Chiron smiled, like he had foreseen her reaction.

"It means that you are a demigod. One of your parents has to be a god or a goddess." He explained, clapping one of his hooves on the ground.

Alice had no idea how to process that.

"But-But, it's n-not possible…" She mumbled.

"It is. But have no fear; you will not be armed in this camp."

Alice shook her head in disbelief.

"But I have both of my parents!" She shrieked.

Chiron smiled sadly at her.

"I'm sorry, child, but one is not your parent." He stated.

Alice was starting to get really angry.

"How the hell would you know?!" She screamed, getting out of her bed and making her way to the door.

"Because you wouldn't be able to step into camp if you weren't a half-blood." He said.

Alice stopped dead in her tracks. Was it true? Was all of this true? She slowly turned, angry tears falling down her cheeks.

"You have _a lot _of explaining to do."


End file.
